The Dawn of Ecstasy’s Dreaming – Page 16

by on February 14, 2024 at 12:00 pm
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Into the Dragon’s Lair

Happy Valentines Day!
Since the end of January, my adventure has brought me to mid-leg of enduring beam radiation treatment therapy. Blegh.

Each morning since then, I’m up at 4:00 a.m. and making the hour and twenty-minute drive to Fresno’s very own cCare center where I lay on a bed of metal, beneath a fully contoured plastic mesh face mask which is strapped to the bed and as a machine silently blasts a cocktail of radiation beams into my neck. You’d never know it. You feel nothing, just well-formed plastic confidently cupping your face– keeping your head still– as various ticks, tocks, buzzes and clatter sound off for the fifteen minutes of it. It hits you later in the day– what you feel; like being let out of a clothes dryer, nauseated, skin a little sore, neck glitchy, tongue of dishwater, throat of fire, and at times headspace tuned to the key of fatigue and spaciness.

As much as a drag the symptoms are, at the halfway mark, the edge of it and the early morning schedule has an enjoyable side. Driving the dark road around Kaweah for one, a quiet deep contemplative ride before hitting any traffic. It’s the perfect time to do japa, pray or even just be absolutely quiet as the yellow line in the road points the way.

Then of course there is taking my mind off the fight by focusing on creativity. I’ve been having a great time with some watercolors (see video below).

As I was taking a break from working on them, to rest a bit, Santosha Ma came by. As I sat in the green armchair across from her, I asked her how things went the night before. I was not well enough to attend our Saturday potluck–headaches. She told me a good a conversation was had about the restlessness of seeking. I grinned thinking about Master Paen, and the trailer I had just finished the night before. The quote that was in my head;

“Your thirst, you true self, comes to you in dreams to rattle your cage and destroy everything standing between it and you, until it and you are reconciled.”

Nothing seems coincidence to me, I thought and looked over at my guru and grinned at her.
“I feel so much of art and creativity is better enjoyed in the spirit of creating it and deepening my expression, rather than in anyone’s getting it now,” I said speaking of my Instagram experiments etc.

“Good.” She said, “Who else is going to love it better than you?”

Self love, why avoid it, I thought. There is this hidden space in creativity, that if allowed to do its thing, without me in the way, shows me a thing or two about how everything truly is adapting (and already has) toward and into the depths of manifesting our deepest desire, to be divinely home in our skin.

Santosha Ma, rose to leave, as one of the others drove up to the top of the driveway.

“Well, I’ll see you at 3:15” I said, speaking of kick off time.
“Think you’ll be feeling well enough?”
“Yeah, pretty sure”

 

dragon lair